18. May 2015 · 1 comment · Categories: Motherhood
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My girls, ages 13 and 15, and I went to dinner the other night.  While we were out one of my girls asked me what something meant. A slang word for an intimate act. I was so taken aback and had no idea how to respond. I was grateful she felt comfortable enough to ask, but giving her an adequate explanation was going to be uncomfortable for her as well as for me.


Ever since my children were little, I have worked at creating a relationship where they can talk to me about anything. I have become very open with my children about sex. I encourage them to ask me questions if they have them, and I try to answer very honestly and appropriately for their age. I would much rather they ask me instead of finding out from their friends or googling it later.

As the mom I consider it my responsibility to teach my children and offer them as much guidance as I can. Even when it comes to uncomfortable topics. With the information age and the internet being so readily available to my children, I have come to realize how important it is for me to talk about the hard stuff.  Pornography.  Just hearing that word used to make me feel like I was saying a bad word. Over the last few years we have made it a household word.

Talking about pornography can feel scary and overwhelming.  Most of us understand the dangers pornography can hold for our children, but if you are anything like I was, you have no idea how to even began to have the conversation.  When talking to these little people of mine, it felt like I was speaking to a crowd of 1000’s.  My heart beat faster, and I’m sure my hands were sweating. This parenting thing can be difficult, and I have often wished it came with an owner’s manual.  Although that wish is like dreaming on a star, I finally discovered a book that has helped me not just discuss pornography with my children, but give them an easy to follow 5-step process called the CAN DO plan.  It had been a God-send, and I literally tell everyone about it when the subject comes up.  It is the owner’s manual on talking to kids about Porn.

In the book titled Good Pictures Bad Pictures, kids and parents will learn why pornography is so addictive and what we can all do to arm ourselves with the tools to avoid it and its addictive nature.  It is meant to be read with your kids and opens up a wonderful conversation. This once uncomfortable topic, with the help of the book, can begin to feel more natural, less scary and intimidating, and more manageable for any parent.

The 5-step process she teaches to the reader is easy to follow and simple for even young children to remember.  One of the steps we have used in our house for years is calling pornography by name. When we watch TV and an inappropriate scene comes on we say, “That’s not modest” or “that’s pornography” and we close our eyes or turn away.  Either my husband or I turn the channel so that  their young impressionable brains don’t have to be exposed to it for one extra second.  Calling it by name helps your brain to recognize it is something to be avoided and turned away from.

Just today my 15-year-old told me she was in school watching Romeo and Juliet when a very exposing scene came on. She was telling me how she turned her head down and shielded her eyes.  As she did this she noticed another boy in class was doing the same.  Teaching them techniques ahead of time gives them the strength and courage to look away when they are exposed, even when that exposure comes in the middle of freshman English class.

Hope can be found through giving your children open communication so that when they see something disturbing they feel free to come and talk with you.

I view my role as a mom as the protector. Part of that is arming my children with the knowledge they need so when the time comes they know how to handle the tough situations. We protect them while they are young but our main goal is, little by little, to teach them so that they can eventually protect themselves.

Right now go click on this link
and buy the book.  You will not regret having it as your personal go to manual.  I have used it to talk with all 6 of my children ranging from ages 6-16.  –SUSAN

1 Comment

  1. Arnold Miller

    Such good advice… look away. Avoid the evil thoughts and visions.

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