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I wonder if I’m a naturally selfish person. All I know is my heart and my desires, and I feel too often I forget to look outside myself. I guess that is the natural man I fight with and strive to overcome.
Last week I was feeling sorry for myself. My reasoning is weak and yet the fact that we don’t own our own home caused me to feel pretty down. I somehow had looked past the beautiful home we do live in. The amazing children I’m blessed to raise. The husband who adores me and would give me the world if he could. And most importantly the grace of God that makes it possible for me to be imperfect and still be made whole through the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ.

I had tunnel vision and could only see what I didn’t have. And in that moment I really felt like I had a huge burden on my shoulders. I can see clearly now how selfish I was being.

I’d love to say I came out of it on my own, but the Lord stepped in to show me a better way.

I decided to clean out my pantry and get rid of all the food we no longer eat (we have given up most sugar and gluten). I made piles of food and wondered what to do with them. I text a friend asking if she had any ideas of what I could do with it and she responded instantly.

Within the hour she came by and began to tell me of a mutual friend who was going through a rather difficult financial time. With several kids at home and an empty cupboard. My leftover food would be more appreciated than I could have known. I helped bring the boxes to her car and expressed my gratitude for her willingness to take it to her.

After she left I was filled with humility and my selfish heart was softened and I began to turn outward. I could see more clearly how truly blessed we are. I remembered a time when food was scarce and I prayed for money so we wouldn’t have to eat beans and rice again. Then a gift card appeared at my doorstep for a local grocery store. I’m still touched by the love God showed me through someone else.

How quickly our answered prayers become a thing of the past as we ask for more and more, forgetting how blessed we already are.

I’m working on letting go of my selfish nature and looking for ways to give more freely that I may be God’s hands in answering another’s prayers. I’m working to,

Lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.”

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