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As I work through some annoying and difficult anxiety, that is keeping me from sleeping well, I have had to look rather closely at what is really going on with me.
I’ve been told that anxiety has a purpose and is actually good, because it is our bodies way of letting us know that something needs to be done.

For me the anxiety wakes me too early in the morning, worrying about things that need to be done. I hate this. I really don’t think this is the best way to operate.

It seems to me that there are two ways to be motivated to take action on life. Love or fear.

The first is to be motivated by fear. I think this is what causes the anxiety. I work hard at my job because I fear letting someone down. I rush off to work to be on time because I fear getting fired. I nag the kids to do homework because I fear their getting bad grades. Being motivated by fear is inviting this anxiety to be a part of my life.

I have carried this tension in my shoulders for years. I’ve been seeing chiropractors, and massages therapists to help me deal with it. My chiropractor tells me I have degeneration in my neck. He promised we could fix the problem, but after months of work, I don’t feel like I’m really getting better.

I’ve had people I care about suggest to me that I carry too much stress with me, and if I could reduce my stress I could begin to feel better.

Because of this I’ve also been seeing a psychotherapist. I think I may finally be figuring this thing out. I won’t get into too much detail, but I have concluded that I live my life in a state of fear. The pain and tension in my neck and shoulders is my way of always being on guard.

I have to decide if there is really something to be afraid of in my life. I have to decide who will be my motivator.

When I’m deciding which activities I will do each day, will it be out of fear (afraid of what will happen if I don’t accomplish something) or out of love (taking care of my responsibilities because I am grateful for the opportunity to serve my family, the people I work for and a beautiful home I live in.)

The thing is, that the activities I do are the exact same. Nothing much will change, except my attitude.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

I want to change the way I live my life. I want to live by love. I want to feel empowered by love. I want to feel of a sound mind because of love.

I certainly should be able to. I am so fortunate to love the work I do. I’m married to a wonderful man. I have amazing awesome kids. I want to give them what I can out of love for them and a desire to teach and care for, in a way that I can feel good about.

I’m saying good bye to the fear motivator in my life.  He may try to come back and visit sometime but I will politely let him know, that he is no longer needed in my life.

I will have faith in God, and live in gratitude and love for all the blessings he gives me, and I invite you to do the same.

Love, Laura

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